Researching Blow Jobs~ The Beginnings of a Smut Writer Part Two

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to make this a series on my blog. I posted the first one (which you can read here) almost a month ago. I thought I would make it a weekly thing... and then life happened. You know?

Anyway, where were we? Oh, right. I had attempted my first blow job and almost puked on Mr. McKay's penis. If you need to catch up go ahead. I will wait.

There, now we are all caught up! I'm a nerdy girl by nature, which may have contributed to my original downfall with the whole oral sex thing. I didn't know what I was doing. It freaked me out, I don't like going into situations half cocked (pun intended).

I had tried, I had failed, there was no pressure to ever do it again. But the thing was, now that I had tried, I wanted to succeed. I just didn't know how.

Then one day I was walking around a bookstore with Mr. McKay and this book caught my eye, The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D. It was on the bargain table. I honestly think it jumped out at me because it said something about bad girls and I was still in the spanko closet. I remember wondering if it would have a section on how to get your man to spank you.

I tried to look at it like I wasn't looking at it. I remember being very self conscious that someone was going to see me. But I must have flipped through it just enough to know that it would help, because I ended up with it.

Mr. McKay reminded me that he actually bought it for me. I forgot that part of the story, but it would make sense that I was so crippled with embarrassment and self consciousness that I couldn't actually walk it up to the register.

He bought some random things from around the check out and a self help book about sex for women. (I have said before how much I love him, right?)

Flipping through it now, I know I never read the whole thing. Like any good nerd I went straight for the index and looked up the parts that had what I wanted to know. There were tips on giving a blow job. I pretty much memorized them, and looking at them now, yeah, that's how I give a blow job.

I do remember skimming other parts of the book which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. One part was talking to yourself in the mirror. You know, finding your inner bad girl and coaxing her out. Another part has you record yourself while you walk and some exercises that go along with that.

There is also a whole section about masturbating, which yes, if women reading this book aren't masturbating then I am glad someone is telling them to! But I didn't need to read that part. Even though I was pretty virginal I was always—ahem—proficient in the department of self pleasure.

I mean, I'm sure all of these exercises help some people, but really I just needed a road map to a blow job.

I don't want to plagiarize this woman's book, and really there is no need to. It just breaks down what you can do in 6 steps. I remember being like, "Yes! Finally, give me some goddamn steps to follow!" (If you happen to buy the book, it's Exercise 10 in Chapter 8)

They are all like- lick the penis, put it in your mouth, flick it with your tongue. Probably nothing that I wouldn't have figured out on my own, but I feel like the book gave me some confidence. "Well now I know I'm doing this right, I read it in a book."

She even finishes up this section by urging you to perform the blow job with the lights on, so you can see each other. Apparently people normally do this in the dark and under the covers? Clearly, I have never been normal.

The book glosses over what to do when the man actually comes from your spectacular blow job skills. I will not lie to you, for the longest time I would not swallow. I could not make myself do it. It was just within the last few years that I got over that. I do all the time now, and I actually like to, it's not just a begrudging thing I do.

Thinking about all of this in depth has made me come to the conclusion that sex is all mind over matter. If you really think about any of it. I mean really think about it, it's all gross. It's all an exchange of fluids and noises and weirdness. If you overanalyze anything you're going to kill it.

Without really reading all of The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex I will say that the author tries to communicate the same point that I came to. A lot of sex and being sexy is a state of mind, you have to be into what you're doing to do it. I don't know why that took me such a long time to figure out. 

As for the first actual successful blow job? I don't remember it. It wasn't disastrous so it doesn't really stand out in my memory. But I think the whole journey in general kind of set the stage for the way we handle new kinky things in my marriage. The framework was set up. We established something we wanted to try, we tried it, we talked about it, we figured out what worked and didn't, we talked about it some more, and tried it again. And there was never any judgment or criticizing, just an open dialogue. Really, that's how we do a lot of things.

So that is my story about learning how to give a blow job. It's kind of a common sexual act, but I doubt I am the only person who had a little trouble with it at first.