We're up to N in the Spanking from A-Z blog challenge, hosted by Celeste Jones and Spanking Romance Reviews. How did that happen?
I have a confession to make. I wrote a post the other day about being the kinky friend, and I feel like I am only telling half the story. I used to be the prude friend. The friend that when she asked her college roommate how her night was she may have said in whispered tones "Did you guys do it?"
Having to talk about anything sexually related made me blush to my toes. I constantly referred to things in very generic terms.
I wasn't used to talking about anything sexual, mostly because I hadn't had sex myself. I think things embarrass you a lot more when you have no idea what you're talking about.
But I didn't stay a virgin and I got a lot more comfortable talking about things. Having a frank discussion with my girlfriends about sex didn't make me blush anymore.
Then came the day I decided I was going to start writing. I began on a book, it had spankings in it, and then my characters wanted to do it (I just whispered that).
Suddenly I was back to my virginal self. How was I going to write this?
I can't just say "And then they did it, and everyone was happy", could I? Well, yes, I could. In fact, the chick lit books I was devouring by the bucket load all seemed to do that. Every time things would start to get good—poof—fade to black.
That's part of why I started writing. None of the books I was reading had spankings in them, nevermind sex scenes (clearly I was not reading the right books). So I knew I did not want to be the author that led you there and then left you to your own devices.
I mean hopefully readers feel driven to their own devices after one of my sex scenes, but not because it's non-existent.
I remember sitting down to write that first sex scene. I had to wait until my husband was out of the house. What? I needed some privacy.
I blushed through the whole damn thing. Words like cock, pussy, cum, and nipples were flying from my fingers to the keys and I kept thinking "I can go back and delete this", but I didn't.
Those first sex scenes were hard to write, and I would imagine to go back and read them now I can probably hear myself whispering the words. Not actually telling them, or saying them out loud. Not owning them.
Granted, I don't think it took me much time to get over my shyness. Now I can stop mid sex scene to answer my cell phone and idly scroll through checking how many times I said the word 'clit' in one paragraph.
Hmm, should definitely change one of these to 'sensitive nub'—
Yes, in honor of our letter N today I can write about nipples, nubbins, and nether regions without squirming (although, I don't think I have ever written about nether regions, but never say never).
I remember I had an English teacher once that used to tell us if you use a word three times then you own it. I am pretty sure she was referring to vocabulary words and trying to get us to broaden our minds. She probably didn't mean it in reference to writing erotic romance. But maybe she would be happy that her lesson stuck with me. Who knows?
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The first step is being able to write it. The next step is getting over thinking, oh no, people I know are going to read this. Then you're really free.
ReplyDeleteI got over thinking people I know are going to read this. That was a hang up for a while, but I think I stopped caring.
DeleteBeen through all of this! The once embarrassed writer behind closed doors. Now I sit in a cafe with a notebook chugging it all out and there are old dears sitting next to me smiling sweetly as if I'm writing poetry. I write all the naughty words and think, I'll change then later, but never do.
ReplyDeleteI told my mum when I confessed to be an erotica writer that it's only biology with adjectives. That worked!