I have Renee Rose/Darling Adams over today! I'm going to turn it over to her because she has a great article and a yummy excerpt to share!
I’d like to talk about pushing a submissive to her/his limits today.
I believe a good dominant should be in touch enough with their submissive that they would not require a safe word (that doesn’t mean I don’t think a safe word shouldn’t be arranged!). Safe words are especially necessary for couples who are scening together for the first time, or don’t know each other well enough yet. But I would hope, even in that situation, the dominant would tune in to his or her submissive and sense their level of pleasure, pain, anxiety and desire.
Obviously, with my husband, we have years and years of history, but even when we were brand spanking (heh) new to BDSM, I never had to safeword. If I’m in handcuffs and I start turning my wrist, he understands immediately that it’s too tight. He’s looking for signs of discomfort--the wrong kind of discomfort, not the belt across my ass kind. :)
To me, the richest area of BDSM is riding that line between too much and not enough. It’s exploring limits and pushing them. It’s demanding things a sub isn’t yet comfortable with, but will try for her/his dominant. Fear/tension only increases the hot factor in a scene, so getting to that edge increases the power of the release, when it comes.
In Punishing Portia, David is an experienced dom working with the slave he just bought from a charity slave auction. They happen to have a bit of a history together--she just reamed his new restaurant in a review, attacking his character. Now, he’s interested in making her beg for forgiveness. In this scene, he’s placed her in a cage. Up to this point, she hasn’t been sure whether he knows she’s the one who wrote the article. Now it just became clear, and she is genuinely freaking out.
Here’s how he handles it:
Portia lay inches away from safe-wording. Tension rolled off her in waves as she shifted around in the cage. He pretended to be going about his business nonchalantly, unpacking both their bags, but the truth was, she had him sweating. He didn’t want her to use her safe word--not theirs, and especially not the Castle’s. He prided himself on handling his subs with the kind of awareness that prevents the need to even have a safe word. And the last thing he wanted was to lose the slave for whom he’d just paid four thousand dollars. But it went deeper than the money. It went deeper, even than revenge. Despite the insurmountable issue of the review, they had chemistry. Real dom/sub chemistry that is hard to come by. He’d never had it with anyone to this degree, and the thought of losing it made him itchy.
But he also didn’t want to let her out, especially when she demanded it. If he did, he’d lose all respect as a dom.
“May I take my boots off?” she wheedled.
“No,” he answered without turning.
She moved around--sitting, coming back to her knees, wrapping her fingers through the bars of her doggy-jail.
“Please...I have to pee. You have to let me out,” she begged.
He ignored her.
Portia shifted position in the cage, doing an about-face to watch him. Judging from the crackle of tension in the air, she was about to lose it.
He opened his mouth to let her know she only had five minutes left when she burst out, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry about the review. It was mean-spirited, even if it was all true!”
Her mention of the review hardened him, even as her apology came as a relief. He walked swiftly toward the cage and opened it. “Come,” he said curtly, beckoning with his hand. When she’d crawled out and stood, he pointed his finger toward the floor at his feet. “Stay.”
She wore a wary look, but she obeyed.
He grabbed a flogger and a wad of tissue and stuffed them in his back pocket. Taking her coat from the hanger on the back of the door, he held it out for her.
She looked at him, confused, then lowered to her knees and licked his hand.
“You may speak.”
“I, uh, really do have to pee.”
“I know,” he said impatiently, shaking the coat he held for her. “That’s why I’m taking you out.”
Punishing Portia by Darling Adams (Renee Rose)
When well-known chef and restaurateur David Marone recognizes the food critic who just lambasted him in a review on the charity auction block, he bids an inordinate amount to keep her as his slave for three nights. He remembers the haughty foodie from culinary school seventeen years earlier, and relishes the idea of getting even with her for her mean-spirited review.
Portia Sands hopes the dark and gorgeous Chicago chef who won the bid for her at the Castle charity auction doesn’t know her real identity as the food critic who tore him apart in a review the week before. She finds he hasn’t changed since culinary school--still arrogant, over-confident and domineering. Unfortunately, he has the same effect on her now as he did then: reducing her to a trembling mass of jello.
When he pushes her to her limits, placing her in a cage like a pet, she discovers he knows who she is, and means to exact revenge. She considers calling the Castle safeword to end their time together, but some part of her won’t allow it. Somehow she must survive three nights as his slave and keep her heart in the process.
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Renee Rose / Darling Adams is a naughty author and kinkster who loves writing about hot alpha males, Dominance/submission and power exchanges. Named Eroticon USA's Next Top Erotic Author in 2013, her books are all centered around kink. She can be found on:
First, Happy birthday! Second, I remember loving this scene. Okay, I loved this whole book, but I especially liked this scene for so many of the reasons you mention. The chemistry and backstory between them was awesome. I'm glad she didn't safe word!
ReplyDelete~Livia
Thank you!!! Yay-- I'm glad you enjoyed it. I know it pushed some people's comfort levels, but of course you wouldn't be one of those people!!! Thank you for reading it and for letting me know you enjoyed it!! <3
ReplyDeleteSafe words are absolutely essential. We play hard and the things we do aren't always safe or even sane. We push the limits hard. Using a safe word feels like a failure to me. Every few months, Dragon pushes me too hard. He needs to know I will use the safe words when I need them. Yes, he knows me. Yes, he is aware of how I react to a scene. But he is human and I am very good at hiding.
ReplyDeleteWe dont use a safeword and we play hard, he likes pushing my limits and although i may not like it at the time, afterwards i feel a sense of accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with relying on a safeword can become apparent in certain situations
1) when i go into subspace i am incapable of registering when enough is enough, im gone to a happy place, in fact there have been times when i have been on such a high i have wanted to continue a particular activity and he has said no, because of the condition im in, ie..the risk of permanent damage..., so i have to trust him to make the decision on when enough is enough
2) if im gagged/hooded and suspended, i cant speak, nor can i hold anything in my hands to drop, suspension cuffs dont have much give
For us it all comes down to him playing close attention to me, checking in constantly, not that i have anything against safe words but its down to what makes people comfortable, and for us we are comfortable without them.