Sext Me Like You Mean It

Do you all know what Sexting is? A combination of Sex and Texting. I think it's something that mothers of teenage children live in fear of. But for two consenting adults it is a fun way to spend the afternoon.

I'd like to share some helpful tips on sexting that I have collected over the years.

1. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

There is nothing worse than accidentally sending a suggestive text to “Dad” when you really meant to send it to “Dan”. On this point, I cannot stress enough, check, double check, triple check before hitting send.

2. Keep it light.

If you regularly text with your significant other throughout the day the texts you exchange can possibly run towards the mundane. “What's for dinner?” and “Did we pay the electric bill?” happen to be two popular texts around here. It can be a bit jarring to go from discussing picking up rolls for hamburgers to “I want to screw until we can't walk.”- It's a weird segue.

Sticking to things like “Can't wait to see you later.” and “I've been thinking about you all day.” are safer approaches. Then you can lead into racier things.

3. Be mindful of where your recipient is.

My husband used to work from home. I took this as an opportunity to completely uncensor myself when sending him sexts. I knew he was sitting by himself in our house. It's different now when he could be in a meeting, or going into a meeting- that would be a badly timed boob pic. Which leads me into...

4. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

It's worth repeating.

   5. Picture texting- it's not just for sunsets and tweeting your meal anymore.

I think a lot of people are misusing their camera phones in this day and age. Yes, that sunset is amazing! Yes, I wish I was at this restaurant with you too! But I like to use mine in the way God intended, for sending pictures of myself to my husband. As I mentioned above- a boob pic might not be the best idea if you know he is out around other people. But how about a glimpse of your hip catching the side of your lace panties? Anyone looking over his shoulder might not even register what it is. And if the nosy coworker presses, your signifcant other could always respond “Fabric sample. We're having new curtains made for the sitting room.” Sure! You have a sitting room now, because you are ultra classy and would never be sending pics of your panties to your husband at work.

    6. Plan Ahead.

Do you live in the real world where you can't request off from work for every birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog's Day? Then load up some saucy pics into your drafts before you leave for the day. Getting the right lighting and the right angle can be crucial, so give yourself some time, lock yourself in the bathroom with your phone and snap away!

Tip: Later on, let him think you actually did take that naughty pic in the bathroom at work. Don't wreck the illusion by saying “Are you nuts? I took that at 6:30 this morning before we left for work!”   

     7. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

If you remember nothing else, please remember this!

    8. Timing is everything.

I would suggest saving really racy stuff for later in the day. More of an afternoon pick me up and building of anticipation. If you head right out of the gate with a full on boob picture at 9:30 in the morning, you're just being mean- now you both still have the bulk of your day to get through. You may just end up getting cranky and more irritable as the day wears on.

You know that time of day, after lunch, when you need that afternoon caffeine shot to get you through the rest of the afternoon. This is the perfect time for sexy pics. No one was going to get anymore work done anyway, now you have 2-3 hours tops to fantasize before you can both get home to seal the deal.

9. Make sure you have the correct recipient.

Remember, I said triple check.

10. Mutual consent.

As with any kinky thing, this is best to do with a willing partner. If you are married or in a committed relationship, chances are this person will not have you arrested for sending suggestive texts to them. But if you are on more casual terms, or hoping to break the ice, perhaps you should stick to the more mundane for now.

And please, do not text and drive. It's hard to get kinky in a full body cast.